I really miss those times we had: the paper umbrellas, the picnic at the park, the boquet, the buffets, the movies, holding hands (despite the awful freezing weather), the kisses, lots of hugs, singing while waiting for the bus, teases (baboy ka eh!), snowball fights, ragnarok flirts, gudnyt calls, palabok (log-log), and talking about the silliest things. I miss us.
I still remember the words u told to me the day we had our huge fight. the very words that keeps on squeezing my chest at night, making me think of stupid things to make myself be the person you had hoped for. I try to get a grip and forget about it though. Don't worry I'm not bitter, I know its my fault to begin with. I wasnt able to give u back all the love u gave me. You deserve more than this. I know. so parting might be the best. Pls pls stay strong and healthy and iwish u the best in life.
i love u so much
-denylou
------------------------------
BLAQUE LYRICS
"Questions"
[1]
I wanna know why this feels so right
I wanna know why u hold me tight
Each and every night, it keeps me up all night
Thinkin about the things i like
Can't believe your in my life
I wanna know why ur the one
The things that they should have you've already done
God sent u straight to me
You make me wanna sing lalalalala
[Chorus]
But when u look at me, do u see ur wife?
Can u picture us lovin' each other for life?
Are u playin' the role, just like the rest
These are the questions that i ask myself
If, another should come, who's finer than me
And she wanna take ur love away, would u leave?
Baby please answer these questions
[2]
Could this be my whole fantasy
Maybe u could just be too good for me
If i don't wake then i won't see
Cuz if im not the one u met, then who is in me
In the mist of the tears how come, i love u more, and more, and more
I never longed for no one, yes its true
Seems like these questions keep me here with you
[Repeat chorus 2x]
[Bridge]
If you really wanna be with me
Then ill say, i love u endlessly
One thing that i really wanna know
Will this end or will this grow
And now if u really be wanna be with
Ill love u endlessly
One thing that i really wanna know
Will this end or will this grow
[Repeat chorus 2x]
Nang matapos na'ng mga araw na ika'y sa aking piling iniibig ka pa rin
Nang maglaho na ang sikat ng buwan at araw sa tuwing magdamag ikaw pa rin
Bakit nga ba 'tong pusong nasugatan
Tila nais paring maramdaman tamis ng yakap mo't halik
Naaalala mo pa ba nung tayo'y magkasama pa
Iyong sinabi't pinangako na nalimot mo na siya
At kahit naglaho ka na muling sumama sa kanya
Sa aking puso ay ikaw pa rin, ikaw pa rin
Tuwing paggising sa umaga ang iyong mukha ang nais halikan at sambahin
Sa maghapon ay iniisip ka lamang at ang mga nakaraan na kay saya
Bakit nga ba iyong puso'y sinugatan
Habang pagsisisi ay hindi na kailanman mawawala
Naaalala mo pa ba nung tayo'y magkasama pa
Aking sinabi't pinangako na tayo'y may pag-asa
Ngayon kahit siya'y sakin sa kanyang yakap at lambing
Ang ninanais ay ikaw parin, ikaw parin
dedicated to: myself
Piggy if you're ever reading this: first of I'm really glad that you do come by and check my ramblings here. I think none of my friends visit my site anymore, which is a good thing for me since i know that they'll never tease me on what i have to say here.
Pig I LOVE YOU.. i know i don't say it much but I hope I don't need to do so every now and then just to let you know of how i feel (getting korny). I'm also sorry for being tempermental, demanding and unreasonable at times and thanks for bearing with all that. I'm really really sorry.. I know very well how harsh I am at times, probably why I feel so guilty, and that I even neglect your own feelings as well. It's mainly cause I build up this tough act with me, which developed from all the breakups and harsh memories i've been through. I remember pipoy calling me as a high maintenance gf one day after the two of us had a fight.
For everything else, thankyou. I'm really happy just being with you, to the point that i'd never ask for anything at all.
I love you so much. keep that in mind. Pls bear with me till forever. mwahhhh oink oink! :3
- Mood:
grateful
damn!! i found some cool stuff just when i already quit at mcdonalds! damn it!!=memorykicks= gawd i keep recalling the newspaper umbrellas. mehn we were soaking wet by the time we got to walmart. haha we should do dat again! ;p
*ok obvouisly inlababo ang lola nyo kaya malamang ililipat ko na ang blog ko
bwhehehe..
- Location:kwarto ng kapatid ko
- Mood: happy
- Music:your guardian angel - red jumpsuit apparatus
i wonder how long can you hold on to the end of the kite..
my hope grows each time..
yes, i know im being shallow
da heck i care
Personal Hygiene, I've come to understand that most men lack this. I've had more fingers to count in terms of men confessing that they've had unbeatable records of bathless days than those who confess their undying devotion to me. most of the grossest things possible are made by men. From survival guy Ross McFayden to Johnny Knoxville's JacKAss episodes, men's evolution seems to turn back to the neanderthal ages. They believe that these things are what it takes to be a man.
******
I was channel surfing one day; switching from programs to programs, searching for a better entertainment in riddance of the monotonous boredom that dulls every waking day of my life(dyahe!). I decided to settle on this show about bikes and daredevil stunts. There was just 2 bikes competing; a black one with flames tailing off at the end, and a red one with an art paint drawn to be a scar. the two went on the course making flips, going through hoops, barbed wires, and fire lit paths. It was pretty clear from the two who was better than the other. And mr. black would probably wish that it was him. Then, unexpectedly, mr Red caught his tires on the barbed wires..i think. everything happened so fast that i couldn't figure out what was going on. The next thing i know was that he crashed into the other competitor and both their bikes were making lovely sparks of lights like the peak of a new year night. After making a stop, the two were mobbed by the nearby onlookers and the management team. I switched off the tv with a click of the red button from our remote. Got up and left the room with one word in my mind- stupid.
******
Boxing- the dumbest activity turned into sports, next to curling. I don't get what's so great about two men hitting and knocking each other out for no apparent reason.
******
torpe
insensitive
bolero
pimp
need i say more?
*****
I've learned a cunning trick after several observations with my male half of the family. They're so much easier to deal with when placed infront of a tv screen, pc, or any gaming/entertainment electronical devices. Take for example this situation.
me: Pa
mydad:... (staring blankly at the tv)
me: Pa
mydad:... (still staring)
me: Pa!
mydad: oh! oh! ano?! (body turned slightly towards my direction, while eyes still mounted on the screen)
me: pahinging 50 (pesos sa pinas pa yan)
mydad: ha?! (irritated)
me: penge po ng 50
mydad: sige sige kuha ka na kang dun s-sa wallet ko!! Ano nang nangyari?! Ano #@**%% inuppercut sya ni pakyaw?!
In a normal conversation it takes me a million questions before i could persuade him to give me money. It's like I need to pass a damn test every time.
^ i also use this trcik with my brothers hehe
*******
pwde na siguro toh..
nitatamad na akong ulit magblog.
saka na lang ang matino pag nakahigh ako
ehehe
pag tyagaan nyo na lang yan..
- Location:tabi ng vanier
- Music:jimmy eats world - here you me
I'm sometimes amzed on how some people can actually fill up the room with their scent; be it body odor, or artificial extracts of fruits/herbs/chemcials/flowers/watevs that we now call perfumes. I can still bear to stand the latter scent but not the first. I mean come on man its the 20th century already! It's been so long since the creation of body wash products, deodorant, perfumes and fragrant items that you can tap on your filthy skin. Now what did you say?! <gasp> You've lived an ascetic life on secluded hills before? So you're just another golum eh? Well that's no excuse mister! Unlike your uh....hermitic lifestyle where no social partaking is needed, this society does.. and by that you have to know how to be with people... and adjust your ways so that there'd be no need for guns and knives pointing at you. Another angst that i have with putrid human stench is that some people have this idea that once you conceal it with something that's opposite of bad odour it's bound to go away. Gawd! Are they really trying to kill us?
---------------------
Fashion Rags
I've noticed that as you reach middle age people tend to lose their sense of fashion. I have this teacher in one of class who never change his set of wardrobe into something else. It's a never ending cycle of turtlenecks & straightcut pants of shady colors;gray, black, blue, green, maroon. Some people never careless of what they cover their skin with. I see some people prancing out in the open wearing shirts which seemed to have been in the washing machine a million times already, unable to take of the deodorant stain on the location of their armpits and the somewhat sweat-marks on the chest. I know its hard to earn money..but when your pay checks come.. please yourself with something for a change.
--------------------
Snot-nots
There's this one time when I got myself in a subway ride to downtown that totally screwed my comfortable way of taking one. I have this habit sometimes to have my eyes wonder from head to head, watching them like some reality show. I was struck by this fat muslim lady..who didn't mind the public eye watching her dial up her pinky into her nose. What's worse is that she wiped of away from her finger with the use off the public transit's wall. Not a pretty site..i tell you. If you're gonna do that for evryone to see atleast use a tissue napkin to take it off.
After this event I find it hard to seat on public transportations and hold on to railings or post when i'm standing.
--------------------
PDAs
3 words.. Get a room! They show their affections like there's no tomorrow. Lip-locks are okay...just as long as you have the time to take it off later, and as long as its a short one.Ughhh i hate seeing glued lips together like that. Some couples (mostly teens) go on like their about to engage in sex. It's time they put a leash to those raging hormones.
Holding hands....hmmm that's okay too...I've got no problem with that. I, myself, love it when my partner does that. Though it may make you look like you're so stupid, you're so old and yet you look like a kid about to get lost once daddy let go of you hand for a while.
***candledflame has been blogging about personal thoughts lately that she set her posts on private mode..ehehe
- Location:945 midland ave appt 812
- Mood:
crappy - Music:Trust Company - Stronger
Independent living. It has dwelled my thoughts, more often than it should, now that 20 years of breathing is finally in sight. yeah..I'll be turning 20 in a couple of months, and most likely this is just a fabrication of one of my so-called aging blues. 3-5 years from now, hopefully by then I'll have a job and maybe even a unit/flat/whatever place of my own, if not a house but i'd better keep my dreams at a low pace. Okay. Maybe some of you might think that this might be a bad idea for me, since i'm such a lazy bum-bum and pretty much a slacker (self proclaimed), but ever since my short-lived college life, i proved it to be wrong. Miraculously I was responsible, organized and was actually at my best behavior. haha I must be possessed with another entity at that time (that kinda sounds creepy). My hometown was in Tarlac, which is a local province back in Phil, and I decided to live with my Uncle for the meantime to continue my studies at FEU. It was tough having to live at a different roof, even if it's your relative at that; you can't be yourself, you're supposed and expected to help out in doing chores and cleaning up with initiative, you can't eat heartily since you have to think about the others, you have to ask permission whenever you need something even if they told you at the very fist landing of your foot on their house to "feel at home". That was just a slice of what I've been keeping up with. I had to study of course, do hw/proj/term papers/thesis and stuff, do my own laundry, iron my clothes, cook my meals, keep up with my social life with friends, relationship with my bf and not to mention keeping in touch with own my famiy. I barely had any sleep back in those days. I remember dozing off in my jeepney rides to-and-fro. It felt good nonetheless to be free of any strings attached. I was given with wings, strapped with a 500 tonne ball of chain, and well developed muscles to carry the load. My marks never got lower than 80 and I'm actually being responsible..seriously!
College life here in Canada, apparently doesn't give teens a taste of reality to be on your own. Most kids here are still spoon fed, tucked in bed and close to their folks' radars to not get lost. I don't think I'll ever see myself living the way I used when I begin my Canadian type college experience, seeing that there's no way that an out of town studying will ever come across the minds of my parents. Not that they're too scared to let their baby off in doubtfull parts of the world, but rather just thinking about how it will financially cost us might cause them internal bleedings in the brain, but obviously I digress. I'll probably be living with my folks 'til I graduate just like those babies. *sigh* What I'd give to do it all again.
*not in the mood... I would've done much better if I was
- Location:tinatanong pa ba yan?
- Music:Side A
Last night was just so amazing! Despite the sudden burst of snow, TTC subway problems and the constant rata-ta-ta-ta of non-stop nagging of home rules and scolding that awaits me back home since I'm wayyyy.. past my curfew, it's been a one exhilarating and moving experience last night. I was invited by Paul to this youth fellowship at their church weeks ago but I kept on turning it down whenever he attempted to make me go. I'm not really the type who can just socialize with anybody. I shiver for no reason when i'm surrounded with blank faces and then loneliness creeps on me. Now if you're thinking that I'm one of those introverts who never step out of their comfort zones, well i'm not. I socialize, just as long as I've friends or people whom I know are beside me. Anyway I agreed to go since none of his other friends, whom he invited as well, could go. So there I was, amidst the people whom I don't know. Only a few of them came and was nice enough to introduce themselves to me, but there was no conversation that took place, which caused me to shiver more. I found myself standing stiff at the center with everybody at praise and worship. I couldn't follow any of the songs that everyone was singing. I was just there, rythmicly clapping my hands along with everyone, trying to not look stupid. Truth be told, I was glad when it was over. ^u^ V peace
After praise and worship, a guest speaker went infront to share his experience of how he found God in his life. One thing that struck me most was the part he told us that piercing had saved his life. He said that some people take piercing, tattoes, or any other self torture that man can think of, cause crying isn't enough to make the pain go away. Woah that hit me hard. Not most people know that i cut myself. I don't do this on a daily basis like the others, nor do I cut my wrist to simply kill myself. I just make myself bleed i guess.. haha i'm not the goody-twoe shoes girl that some of you know. well anyway, i believe i started doing this when I was 12? or 13? Something happened that concerns me and my family. It's not one of those financial problems that most average families go through. I'm not going to talk about it in details but here's a glimpse of what happened: Lives were...hmmm how should i say this?...at stake i guess? I didn't go to school for so many days, and everything was just crazy. I was lost in all the confusion and emotions that I suddenly grabbed a small knifelike blade (i think it was used as a letter opener) and cut open a small part of my skin on my finger until blood became visible. It was soothing to let it flow out of me. I felt relieved from all the pain and everything else. Ever felt like there's a part of you that wants to cry so hard that even crying by itself won't do? Like you wanted to scream but it's not loud enough for you? Well anyway that was how i felt back then and i guess 'til now. I don't use my knife anymore..I use pins or needles cause its more discreet and it doesn't cuase much damage.I know its downright stupidity and i'm not going to make any arguements about that.
Back at the fellowship, I felt every words that the speaker told us. I was again looking at myself, disgusted and repulsed with every bit of what i see. I cried so hard last night, with snot oozing through my nostrils, mixing with my tears (ewww!). haha I was so embarassed when we had to turn around a hug the person right next to us. ( I secretly made punas-punas my nose to her shirt XP jowk!). It all ended with prayers and again singing praise songs. We bid some of them our goodbyes and started our way back home. It was 12-- when i got home, and was i sooo happy that my Dad was too tired to lecture me. ehehe. I did get my whippings this morning, although it wasn't as cruel as from what i've been expecting.
**sowi medyo matagal updates ko.
- Location:kwarto ko at ng kapatid ko
- Mood:
tired - Music:spongecola - pasubali
Anyway, I was planning on making an entry for valentines that just took place 2 days back, but never managed to make time to finish my composition. It's cause of my damn work and philo essay that I didn't make it! arggghhh(pirate tone haha)! I was hoping to give it to someone special, of course, then it hit me. If I did, what'll happen next? It's not like the blasted piece will ever change anything between us.
Well dats that. Today's PA (i kinda hate saying dat..reminds me of.****) and I've nothing better to do but blog all day and do comtech stuff. It's gonna be a long day for sure. ahhh if only our session didn't get canceled then i'd be having a one heck of a good time by now.
- Location:baleh
- Mood:awake
- Music:staind- fray
To those whom I've hurt over the years,
I'm really sorry. I know I can be really insensitive, impulsive, moody, annoying and a total bitch at times. Sometimes I do this deliberately (which is wrong), in most I lack consciousness of the effects of what I've done. Most of you know me, and being me is composed of a whimsical, easy-going, careless, and care-free outlook in life. Yes, this is an excuse, if that's what you'd like to call it, to make you be a little more considerate or compassionate towards me. I would understand if you'd get mad at me for overdoing it, but if it's just a minor glitch please try to be a little more understanding, cause believe it or not I've put-up to everyone's lapses too. Anyway I'm not here to point out what's right or what's wrong, what should be or what shouldn't. I made this entry to ask everyone whom I've hurt to forgive me. For those who's been keeping grudges agaisnt me, if you would like to confront me about this in a civilized way, i'd much appreciate it.
P.S.
I know there's a lot of errors in this
please don't remind me.
I'm not mad by the way...
- Location:e-lib
- Mood:
depressed - Music:none
Dang it! Now I can't blog the way I used to. I'm getting conscious with my tenses, vocabulary, and sentence structure all because of Chris. I know that I shouldn't let it get to me, but it's just irritating to get feedbacks like that. Anyway I'm currently listening to Nina's "Someday". I've heard this song for so many times and I can't believe that I've never noticed before that it's so much like Mariah Carey's version of Someday. Well I can't really say that it's actually the same since Nina's more of a mellow type and Mariah's version is pop, but the concept/theme is similar. Try and listen to both and you'll get what I mean. I'm not sure if the issue of Nina copying Mariah had something to do with this. If it does then I'll have to say she did a pretty good job in making her own version of Someday! kudos to her! While Mariah turned her's into an up-beat, dance along, Nina made hers into this simple piano solo. I just love mellow type of songs, comforting and simple.
well that's it for now.
I'll try and make an update on heart's day tomorrow i guess.
I've been working on something about it lately..but its not finish yet
- Location:karto ko at ng kapatid ko
- Mood:
distressed - Music:someday nga
Nevertheless the manga and anime were superb! The story line is basically about a death-notebook that came into a possession of a mortal man, and the story goes on as a cat-mouse chase between the law and the criminal. The story itself is creative, witty, has ingenuity, and a conan doyle essence to it. It's particularly objective when it comes to death, which is a downside, but it's still worth watching. It's a five star on my list, 4 thumbs, and probably 3rd on the chart. Oh this reminds me of another great anime that i'm currently into. Honey and clover! This one's life searching, and very poetic. It indulges itself with life's worth and changes. I just love it cause i can relate from my experiences.
anyway that'll be my upd8 for today.
sorry i'm probably the worst anime reviewer in the world. but hey! fuck off!
- Location:mom-dad's room
- Mood:
uncomfortable - Music:Goo goo dolls - sympathy
I'm currently at school right now.. trying to pass the time 'til 4. I don't want to stay home and leave again coz of work. ahh speaking of which i'm working at fries today! ahhh!! i can't believe it! i've been working there for 3 fucking months now and they still won't give me better shifts than that. I feel like i'm such a loser among everybody and to think that i'm older than them makes it even worse.
- Location:school-e-lib
- Music:humming of printer
As for my daily ramblings, my ex finally mailed me and i found out that he's seeing someone. Now it would've been a so-do-i-care? situation but before this issue got into my understanding, he was rekindling old flames whenever i call. I got hooked. Hey what can i say? the guy's a charmer..mmm. And I know it's clicheic and overly sappy but "First love never dies" still lives on. it's these things that makes me weak-my so-called kryptonite. I drenched my eyes for 3 nights cause of that jerk and everyday i see more pimples popping here and there!! ahhhhhh hope the two of them end in a break-up!! (knocks on wood 3x) I may not sound like it but i truly am depressed about this. i really loved him. it's terribly painful to think about it that's why i confine myself to reading jpod and net-surfing to get it off my system. I'll drown myself to emotions if i don't and who knows what i might do? okay enough drama!
this week is just the worst one ever. final exams this week and of all things to happen i got the flu!! 'twas so fucking hard!! i couldn't eat, sleep, my head felt like 2000 ants are biting at the same time, couldn't balance myself, couldn't think, couldn't review, my nose is blocked by boogies and snot, feeling freezing cold and boiling hot at the same time, cold-sweat, spit-taste awful. And the outcome of this endeavour is i basically failed my tests and mcdo mngt is pissed at me for calling in sick 3x in a row. Way to go flushot! you served me well.
oh yea i started talking to my ex-enemy again. he promised not to piss me off again so i said what the heck i'm not made of stone am i? we ended up friends again. (woah did i just say the word again for 3 times?)
2nd sem is finally starting tomrw as well as night-school. i might drop my comtech 12 since i didn't take 11.
and about the cp i was planning to buy.. i'm not sure if dats even gonna happen
- Location:song-seng's bed
- Mood: crappy
- Music:none at the moment
Profile
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
candledflame- candledflame
Syndicate
